The heat just
got real
Evening ladies if you are 40 something then this post is for you. If you are a man or a woman under 40 there may be too much information, you have been warned. I write this to let those 40 something women know that you are not alone. Ì have woken up so hot that I am now lying making snow Angel's on the kitchen floor in order to cool down, time is 12:43, body temp at least 42 degrees. If they took my temperature now I would be sent home for weeks. This is the 4th night in a row that I have woken up imagining that I am a monster from the Ben Ten cartoon program. In my night mare I pictured raw flames of fiery heat shooting from my hands and feet and forehead and incinerating the blankets around me. The flames were so hot the ceiling didn’t escape its wrath either. This is my life. After being 30 when you really think wow I have my shit together, even when you look in the mirror when there are inklings that things are not quite perfect. 40 plus comes as a huge surprise like a whoosh, one minute your neck is taught and the next week it's hanging like a pelican. I attend philosophy class and they assure me that the person in the mirror is not me, just a reflection and the real me is floating somewhere else, and cannot be weathered by time and is eternal. For a while this was soothing to me, but I is walking around in this reflection and things are going downhill fast. Firstly I have always believed in being natural, I saw some strange things growing up and that put me off waxing anything. My mom plucked her eyebrows so much that she didn’t have any left when she was 40 and ended up drawing them on, and by the time she was 40 she couldn’t see and often mixed up the blue or green eyeliner with the brown eyebrow pencil. Yes my mom often went to work this way (I mean who does this to themselves and ain't nobody got time for that) so my eyebrows are 100 virgin never been touched by man or beast until very recently when my daughters could no longer take it and held me down and plucked all the rogue hairs that were creating a monobrow and those cheeky fellas that were migrating towards my hairline. It was the most painful day in my life, and I used up an entire box of tissues. Hair just seems to love you when you are 40, and it sneaks up on you. One day you are going to the beach in your cozzie and the next your best friend is yelling at you that you cannot go to the beach like that, her exact words are "that is shocking, dare I say disgusting!" When I peered down miraculously, my inner thighs looked like wolverine's side chops. To counteract this I am making Elvis inspired bathers that have sideburns of faux fur side flaps sewn on to them. I refuse to wax. I breathe deep and say to her this is not me, this is a mere reflection. She should address the real me with respect. To those of you with beards and moustaches- shit that's kak, thank Goodness I am not quite there yet, although Zandi at work did RIP out one rogue hair from my top lip, and flip that was real pain. In the wrong light in a change room I get a fleeting glance of a shadow above my top lip, but I quickly open the curtain and shew I am 100 percent moustache free again. 40 something is great they say, you will feel larger than life, and that’s true because suddenly you leap onto the scale and you are 20 kg heavier than the last time and you have been starving yourself for 40 days and 40 nights. I read a book and this 40/50 journey is preparing us for our next role? For what I ask ? Extras for the latest filming of the dawn of man, or planet of the apes. Why does it need to go on for two decades cant it just be done in year. Your 40’s are great, until they are not, suddenly you go from knowing everything to your children yelling at you that you know nothing. I told a good friend that I was suffering from anxiety, real scary anxiety and black hole depression, this is from a person who has breezed through life as happy as happy as can be. She made me some cannabis oil without the thc well so she said, I found myself eating a little horse, and feeling so dizzy I had to sleep for a day. Time is now 1:35 body temp about 35 degrees, back to normal (shew) and I am still wide awake. Perhaps I will use these nights to write a best selling novel but apparently I have no comprehension of grammar and that is very true. I am trying very hard not to have a snack. Perhaps tomorrow night I will discuss my other symptoms, fluffy pink cotton candy unicorn brain, inner rage and uncontrollable inappropriate outburts. For now the real I is signing off. Night night sweet ladies I will go gently into the night. Facebook is a narcissistic tool, isn't it great! ( wrote this originally on fa
cebook feed
